When you think of the Super Bowl Halftime Show, you envision the most popular and talented performers in the music industry. However, it wasn’t always so glamorous. In the past, the Halftime Show featured marching bands, peculiar acts, and a mix of puzzling performances. Even the big names that the NFL brought in for headline events have had their fair share of disappointing shows. With over fifty years of live halftime performances, there are bound to be some duds. Let’s examine some of the worst acts to grace the Big Game.
The reason this particular performance isn’t ranked lower is because I have a fondness for Indiana Jones, and thankfully, they didn’t bring Harrison Ford to make it even more disastrous. Patti LaBelle also deserves an apology for being included in this mess. Tony Bennett probably thought he was hallucinating. There were also famous jazz trumpeter Arturo Sandoval (portrayed by Andy Garcia in the HBO movie For Love or Country) and Miami Sound Machine somewhere in there, but amidst all the chaos, it was hard to locate them.
This show was a major letdown and it might be a good idea to watch Raiders of the Lost Ark before the big game to cleanse your mind.
This performance began as a celebration of the 40th anniversary of Peanuts but ended up as some kind of tribute to New Orleans. It featured Pete Fountain, Irma Thomas, Doug Kershaw, and Snoopy. Out of those four performers, I can only recognize one. Why do so many halftime shows seem geared towards young children? Do we really want them to endure hours of alcohol commercials just to catch a glimpse of Snoopy in New Orleans? Do you remember what beer commercials were like in 1990?
This was a complete disaster.
Hosting the Super Bowl in Minnesota might have contributed to the Ice Town feel of this show (I’m kidding, of course!). Gloria Estefan is an amazing artist with many hit songs, but “Get On Your Feet” is not one of them. I couldn’t help but laugh when Brian Boitano and Dorothy Hamil attempted to skate on tiny ice rinks while being urged to “Pump it up!” What on earth was going on?
By 1997, we had already witnessed performances by Michael Jackson, Diana Ross, and the Judds (and friends). Let’s be honest, no one wants to see The Blues Brothers without John Belushi. So, this was an odd choice. While I would rather watch John Goodman than Jim Belushi, I still don’t understand why he was up there. The following year, Blues Brothers 2000 was released, making it evident that this halftime show was just a ploy to attract audiences to a movie that would disappoint.
I must admit, back in 1991, I didn’t hate this halftime show. However, in retrospect, it was pretty terrible. A mashup of “A Small World,” New Kids On the Block, and a salute to the troops was never a good idea. And has anything epitomized America more than the announcement, “(N)ow, to honor our armed forces’ children, Coca-Cola proudly presents The New Kids On the Block!”? I dare say it hasn’t.
This halftime show marked the first “real” act that wasn’t just a group of anonymous people dancing with forced smiles. However, it wasn’t until Michael Jackson’s performance in 1993 that the halftime show truly became a mini-concert.
Wait, this was only in 2019? I would have guessed it was from 2016 or even earlier. People were still trying to make Maroon 5 happen in 2019? The main criteria for Super Bowl halftime shows are that the artist should be popular enough to appeal to a wide range of viewers and that the audience should be familiar with most of their songs. Maroon 5 fails to meet both of these requirements. Instead of addressing why they agreed to perform at halftime when other artists had refused out of solidarity with Colin Kaepernick, the group chose to cancel their press conference. A true display of bravery.
This halftime show was also the one where there were hopes of seeing SpongeBob SquarePants perform “Sweet Victory,” which would have been far superior, but unfortunately, our wishes were ignored.
How on earth did they convince Edward James Olmos to be a part of this? Setting aside the fact that it was essentially a massive Disney advertisement, it seemed like they couldn’t find a big enough headliner, so they decided to include as many second-tier talents as possible. Now, I don’t believe for a second that Phil Collins is a second-tier talent in the world of rock and roll. However, when it comes to Super Bowl halftime show headliners, he falls into that category. On paper, Phil Collins, Toni Braxton, and Christina Aguilera may seem like a great lineup, but in reality, it had as much broad appeal as Frozen on Ice, and we all know Epcot is the most boring Disney park.
This was a terrible show, and we owe Phil Collins an apology.
Before 1989, these were the types of halftime shows we had at EVERY SUPER BOWL. Up With People performed at five halftime shows between 1971 and 1986. Five! For those of us from Generation X, everything Up With People did had a strong “The Sun Belt is where it’s at!” vibe, which was prevalent in America during the late 70s and early 80s. I blame most of my generation’s apathy on being told to get excited about these halftime performances. (By the way, am I the only one who remembers having to learn the Up With People song in music class?)
Wait, what if I told you that this halftime show was also in 3D? Did I just blow your mind? You can tell this one was aimed at a younger audience because Bob Costas starts it off with a Honeymooners joke. That’s sure to attract the kids. The Elvis impersonator in this show was named “Elvis Presto,” and he even incorporated magic tricks. Gen Z, this is why your parents are the way they are.
Ugh. I understand that the Black Eyed Peas were having a (thankfully brief) moment, but there was no excuse for this show. The only comment I feel compelled to make is that Fergie sang “Sweet Child O’ Mine” with Slash on guitar. And it was terrible. And why were they all dressed like unruly Raiders fans?